After Nearly 19,000 Victories, Porsche Asks 911 To Retire

2013 Porsche 911 GT3 RSR in it's last Lemans race

Stuttgart, Germany: In what came a shock to those close to the program, Porsche has asked the 911 to retire. Citing after nearly 19,000 victories globally it wasn't fair to the Cayman and Boxter, because their victories were overshadowed. "When we left the Rolex 24 at Daytona, all the talk was about how the 911 didn't make the podium. Poppycock, the Cayman with David Donohue (son of legend Mark Donohue) won the GX class." Said a mechanic from Porsche North America. "Granted all the Diesel Mazda 6's retired, but hey a win is a win" he added.

A Porsche press release mentioned the decision "A long thought process" that "upset quite a few engineers and privateer teams". Porsche is debuting their new LMP1 challenger to go against Volkswagen Auto Group (VAG) stable mate Audi. Porsches opinion is it didn't make sense to race the 911 against Audi's "really super cool looking R8 and R18 e-Tron Quattro" said the press release.

The retirement of the 911 came as a relief to the competitors but a disappointment to the 911 customer teams. "Knowing that flat-6 won't be passing me anymore is bittersweet. The 911 has such a rich tradition dating back to 1964. But, getting beat by 6 cylinders, while I've got 8 cylinders of fury is embarrassing" one ALMS GT driver said candidly. "We hope that the Boxter is quick out of the box, all of Porsches cars are meticulously prepared, and I don't expect this to be any different" said a Porsche GT3 RSR team principal.

The boost to the Cayman and Boxter, sales is unknown. But the designers and employees who build them are excited for the possibilities of working more overtime to meet the demand. "It's about time they retired it, I mean, now the car magazines can actually see what else we offer. The 911 isn't the only thing we make, but the media and Porsche fans seem to think it is."

For the fans at last weeks Orion 245 at Road America the views, were drastically different. "I understand what Porsche is doing, but asking the 911 to retire is about like asking the Yankee's to not spend as much money. Makes no sense" said one fan. Another fan when asked went on to say "Change can be good. The timeless lines of such a legendary car will be missed. It's time another Porsche stepped out of the 911 shadow and made a name for itself."

The debut of the Cayman GTD and Boxter GT3 RSR for the GTLM will be at the twice around the clock United Sports Car Racing series Rolex 24 at Daytona in January.

-Ross Fujibayashi

This article is intended to be satire and for humor purposes only and not factual information -editor